Monday, May 4, 2009

Ares Idol or Idle?

Yo, dog, check this out. The Ares-1X "movie" posters are starting to get bottom heavy now. Stick-on labels moving the launch date forward are extending into the third dimension. April 2009 is the latest date to get covered up. Perhaps the next sticker should just read "???"

If you take a look at the program's status chart, reviewed regularly by the Italian Waiter, a.k.a. von Braun II, you will only observe a sea of red with dashes of yellow sprinkled in for good measure. For a program supposedly so close to launch you would expect to see at least some green in the field of view. Maybe it's not so close to launch after all? Maybe the chart maker is color blind? Or maybe they just manage things differently inside the house that Shelby protects?

This situation, of course, raises a couple of other questions. For instance, will the Waiter press for a launch before its time to influence Mr. Holdren's panel of administration judges? If, by some bit of luck the sham (four segment SRB, old grain, inert solid upper stage, inert Orion, along with many other non-flight systems) test succeeds in getting off the pad and down range, will the panel take the time to review what was actually (or not) accomplished by this test of the blockhouse? Paula Abdul might be impressed. If Ares-1X cartwheels off the pad, does that seal Constellation's fate as well? Simon Cowell, what did you think of that performance?

In typical fashion, bad rationale is allowing taxpayer dollars to continue to be spent bailing-out this program. Sunk costs appear to be the only justification offered for not holding up the test right now. Perhaps the panel of judges will see the light of day and call time. For a rocket that is pitchy and out of key, it may finally be time to move off the stage.

9 comments:

RayGun said...

To bad it isn't the Gong Show. When the act get's so stupid you can't watch anymore, the gong sounds and the act goes away.

Anonymous said...

It takes time to end a program. We still have billions left to spend.

Why does Cook demand we hire people from GPS sol? They have some the highest rates around.

What is the ESTS contractors cut?

Retirement fund? next job?

Dave said...

The only question left is which will come first: Ares I or Duke Nukem Forever?

Anonymous said...

"Maybe the chart maker is color blind?"

That can't possibly be the case. After all he managed to invent two new colors just in time for the Ares-I PDR.

We're all familiar with those well known "Yellow Red" (what the rest of the world calls Orange) and "Green Yellow" (Chartreuse) colors which were conveniently added to the traditional Red/Yellow/Green traffic-light program success indicators.

But the Italian Waiter desperately needed a way to dump all 11 of the "Red" risks into a lower category so he could pass the PDR and prove himself as talented as von Braun, who is currently spinning in his grave like a turbine.

Anonymous said...

While the judges are hoping for Susan Boyle, they seem to have realized that Ares is more of a William Hung. She Bangs!

Anonymous said...

Where do you find the program status chart on line?

Anonymous said...

If Ares 1-X fails, it might actually contribute to a rethink of the Ares program.

Anonymous said...

"But the Italian Waiter desperately needed a way to dump all 11 of the "Red" risks into a lower category so he could pass the PDR and prove himself as talented as von Braun, who is currently spinning in his grave like a turbine."

LOL. He certainly has no shortage of presumptuous arrogance.

Wouldn't the I-X be good to fly if only to validate MSFC's design models, even if they will only be used for the Heavy Lifter when Ares I is cancelled for an EELV ?

Dave said...

Whoa, psychic powers activated. I write about Duke Nukem forever in sarcasm on Tuesday, and today it's announced that it's been terminated.

Can the termination of Ares I be far behind?